Wrong clowns, Greg!

Two England innings now of complete ineptitude (230 off 72 overs) hasn't even resulted in what Australia would consider a decent 50-over total.

At least it gives me space to link in two stories which didn't make this week's blogging.

Firstly, Greg Blewett was fined AUS$1000 this week after he recently called the state selectors "clowns" on an Adelaide radio station. Apparently he breached Cricket Australia's code of behaviour ruling after he referred to the region's state selectors as "basically volunteers". I'm just thinking whether Blewett might have got away with it if he had said he was actually referring to England as "clowns".

At least the hapless tourists are not the only team to suffer in world cricket. Check out the start of Mumbai's second innings score in their game against Baroda this week. Five ducks might even make Duncan Fletcher sleep easier if he knew about it.

The right stadium to choose

There is a hotel in Mumbai which houses one of the best views of the bustling, chaotic city. The Ambassador is situated just off Marine Drive and overlooks the CCI Brabourne stadium (below), host to the Champions Trophy Final.

I stayed there in March on England's tour and didn't actually recognise it from the outside (right) - perhaps just saying "oil refinery, please" to a taxi driver would have sufficed - but it still retains its 70s charm and character inside.

On top of the hotel's 'refinery' sits the 360° Pearl of the Orient restaurant; look up the coast to the imposing, politically-built Wankhede Stadium, while just below on the other side is the CCI. If I was ticketless for the Final, eating a Chinese in the restaurant would be the next best thing, although if you are a CCI member, it is possible to watch from your bed inside the ground.

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Speaking of oil, Christopher Martin-Jenkins has had his spills in India too. 30-odd years ago, a spritely CMJ jumped into a taxi and ordered: "All India Radio." A couple of hours later he found himself by a refinery in the middle of nowhere. "Oil India, sir," replied the driver.

The Wankhede chapter

An announcement was made over the scorer's microphone in the Press Box yesterday - by our very own Nobok Legend Farokh Engineer.

It came shortly after tea and began: "Hi I'm Farokh Engineer. Some of you may remember me...." although he didn't launch in to how he nearly scored a ton before lunch.

He was upset with sections of the Indian crowd and was embarrassed as a Bombayite. Farokh was having a drink with Andrew Flintoff and Matthew Hoggard the previous night and the pair were upset at the abuse the England captain was given on the field. Of the printable banners on view one read "Hoggie is a Doggie".

Booing Sachin Tendulkar and now barraging the England captain? What will happen if the Little Master gets a pair and Freddie does a lap of honour?

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The Wankhede may look an imposing ground for the players in the middle, but on further inspection things are slightly different.

The Mumbai Cricket Association (MCA) built the Wankhede to take over from the Brabourne as Bombay's primary Test venue in 1975. It holds 50,000, floodlights were installed in 1996, but that's about the size of it.

If you can imagine a sloping glassed squash court then that's what the Press Box resembles. Dried paint which has dripped from hurried workmen is evident on the windows, while around the ground the seats have the same - only there's more dust.

Police security employed by the MCA has also been attendance and the treatment forced MCC president Robin Marlar to walk out in disgust at lunch on the first day; none was laid on anyway.

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At the close of play press conference, even Indian journalists were amazed at the treatment handed out to the media. Half of the reporters were stopped from hearing what Andrew Strauss had to say, and a fight ensued, involving some British media.

Gatt is back

Nobok legend Mike Gatting turned back the clock yesterday when he led an MCC XI against Afghanistan in Mumbai.

The former England skipper was still sprightly in the field at mid-off despite the Afghans bludgeoning 350-odd off their 40 overs. It needed some stout resistance from Gatt, but when he edged to slip off a 22-year-old quickie and was out for a duck, the team quickly folded.

The Afghan team reportedly had the quickest bowler in Asia while much of the team was made up of former refugess who had crossed the border into Pakistan during the 80s.

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India have seen their fair share of gold medals at the Commonwealth Games (19 to date) as most of the televised action here has been consigned to the shooting, weight-lifting, hockey and table tennis disciplines.

Now the Games would not be complete without a bit of controversy from the Indian camp. For that we go over to the weight-lifting and a story which bears similar tones to Rahul Dravid's toss last Saturday.

Two of India's female lifters had already broken the Games record in their category and were assured of gold and silver going into the last round. However, it was a botch decision from the coach of eventual silver medalist Andhra Pradesh which cost her top spot.

In her final attempt K Armanath gave her lifter a lesser weight for the silver medal (which she was already guaranteed) rather than go for glory. In the end lost out by 1kg.

***"Raise The Alarm" shouted the Mumbai Mirror; "We got to 100!" lamented Mid Day; "Bring Back Sourav, screams Mumbai" said the Times of India.

England's memorable day in Mumbai meant Black Wednesday for Indian cricket in many of the nationals here, while Freddie Flintoff made the front page and TV news for different reasons.

Four years ago, Flintoff memorably ripped his shirt off and swung it round his head in glory as England defeated India in a thrilling one-day encounter at the Wankhede.

But it was a "New Freddie" which saw a turn around on Wednesday when he told Kevin Pietersen to go back and change into his Test whites from his blue singlet before the presentations.

Rod Gilmour in Mumbai

High tide at Wankhede

James Anderson's last-wicket dismissal seemed a bit soft yesterday.

England were bowled out for 400; but the tourists might have had a cunning plan up their sleeves.

They were all out shortly after 2:05pm here, and, in the words of Ray Parker Jr, something strange happens in the (Marine Drive) neighbourhood around that time.

According to those cricket lovers who live close to the Wankhede Stadium, the pitch favours the bowlers between 2 and 3 in the afternoon.

This is 'high tide' time as the sea is a 30 second walk from the stadium, the same with the Cricket Club of India, just a five minute stroll down the coast.

During this hour 'indipping' is known to occur in the humidity: the ball can suddenly drift in towards a batsman, even though the bowler has intended his delivery as an outswinger.

Chandu Borde, the former Indian all-rounder, used to stay in a hotel right next to the stadium when he played here in the 60s, and swore by it. Sachin Tendulkar was also out for a duck a few years ago in the same afternoon period.

So what was the result yesterday? Tea was taken at 2:40, India had made 8 for 0 in their reply and then their three wickets fell after 3pm. Humbug!