Tweaking it

Monty Panesar's book may have been a snore, but the Nutley is abuzz with the England spinner's line this week on his former boss...

“Spin was not his speciality” - Monty Panesar joins the criticism of former England cricket coach Duncan Fletcher.

Left-arm Chinaman has a 'guest blogger' writing a post on Freddie Flintoff's desire for the odd tipple. Obviously this stems from Big Dunc's media furore over his recent autobiography, while Chinaman delivers the verdict on the ex-England captain through the following scoring system:

- Do you feel you are a normal drinker? Yes
- Do relatives or friends think you are a normal drinker? Yes (he is northern)
- Have you ever attended a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous? No comment for legal reasons- Have you ever lost friends because of drinking? Yes (Duncan)
- Have you ever got into trouble at work because of drink? Yes
- Have you ever neglected obligations, your family, or your work for 2 or more days in a row through drink? Yes
- Have you ever had delirium tremens (DTs), severe shaking, heard voices, or seen things that were not there after heavy drinking? No
- Have you ever gone to anyone for help about your drinking? No
- Have you ever been in hospital because of your drinking? No
- Have you ever been arrested for drunken driving? No

So it can be pretty well assumed that Fred scores at least 6 which makes him an alcoholic..."

Two contrasting affairs

Andrew Strauss may have indicated as much with the Kensington Oval pitch, but today's World Cup was indeed a "strange" one.

The match schedule showed a meaningless match between West Indies and Bangladesh. It was anything but off it as ECB chairman David Morgan spoke of Duncan Fletcher's resignation and, as the last question was asked in the Brian Lara press conference, the day concluded with the news that the great left-hander would be retiring from the international scene.

So, two highly contrasting conferences. In the morning, Morgan buffed most of his questions to John Carr, the board's cricket operations man, and there was barely any sentiment given to Fletcher after he effectively took England from the pits in 1999 to Ashes winners seven years later. That the ECB made a mess of the previous day (when they should have told the media) was clear to see as Morgan apoligised for not only the board's handling of the issue but also England's World Cup failure.

Fast forward to the end of play and Lara was wrapping up talking about the West Indies win over Bangladesh. He took one more question and, looking visibly peeved, then jaw-dropped everyone by saying he was to quit all forms of cricket.

Press conferences are usually dour affairs: today saw both sides of the coin.

Downing sorrows

So I was walking past a pub in Perth last night and had to double back on myself for a moment. I re-read the pub's spiel and thought of the poor persons who happened to be invited to a Break Up. I considered entering just to see if a sombre Duncan Fletcher and management were hosting the night or whether Australia's elder statesmen were considering their futures now that the Ashes had been secured.

Fletch, Monty's waiting in the wings

'BORE DRAW' screamed the Adelaide Advertiser this morning. Yeah right I thought. With England one wicket down, however, and a full day to play, there was still the uncertainty that Shane Warne could do the damage and add another chapter to the one already filed under England's Ashes: Misery and Failures. Today, it took a bad umpire's decision and a run-out, but that's all a team needs - especially England in recent years - to somehow wilt under last day pressure.

If England had held out for a draw with Australia, say, seven or eight down, there might have been reason to keep Ashley Giles. As it is, Duncan Fletcher has to play Monty Panesar in Perth after this disaster. He will be cradled by the cheering Barmy Army support there, whatever the Aussie crowd does to put him off - but at least he'll be match fit.

Will this be the change to at least put England back to winning ways? Victory in Perth would still keep the Ashes alive. However, after the tourists defeat today, let's not think about the (flat, run-fest, draw kind of a) WACA pitch just yet. Extraordinary game though, albeit one that has probably damaged the exciting undertones this series was first viewed.